Never the Right One
by ALoveForWords
Summary: He was her almost, her sometimes, her always, her never, her maybe, her what if, her should've been and her could've been. He was always the answer, but was he the right one? Tina and Newt post Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.


**_You were my almost._**

I stood staring out through the windows of the brownstone apartment I shared with Queenie, the same brownstone apartment I dreamed of sharing with Newt had we eventually gotten to where I thought we would. A single tear escapes my eye as the gravity of the situation hits me. He was never mine, he was just almost mine.

That day at the docks, just as I was saying goodbye to him, I honestly believed he felt something more than just friendship for me, that there was something there that wasn't the first time we laid eyes on each other. I pictured a happy reunion, his return to New York with his successful book in hand. I pictured a scene of running into each other's arms and embracing each other tight, telling each other how much we missed the other.

"I promised to bring you back my book when it got published," he says in this daydream. "and here I am, fulfilling that promise."

He hands me the book, an awkward but sweet smile on his face, a hint of longing (or so I'd hoped) in his eyes. He then mutters albeit awkwardly his feelings for me, and I respond immediately with a light kiss. That day would have been a start of something I never thought I would have.

But the reality of the situation came differently the day he returned. He did return to utter his words of reassurances about his promises of the book. But unlike the daydreams I had in my head, he wasn't alone. Perched on his arm was a lovely olive skinned woman who was in the photograph that took quite a lot of space in his shed. _Leta Lestrange_ , I thought to myself, frozen in disbelief, unable to fathom how cruel the fates have been to have led me to Newt just to lose him in the end. She wore a gorgeous diamond on her left finger, an engagement ring I realized. I try as hard as I can to act as though I haven't seen anything, and if I had it didn't bother me at all. I sucked in a huge breath and waited for him to approach me.

"Tina," he says, a little somber. "I'm sorry it took me a while but here's the book I promised to bring back to you. Thank you so much for inspiring me to give it this title."

He hands me the parcel, and I rip off the wrappings quite hastily, the red hardbound book revealed immediately. There engraved at the front was indeed "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" by Newt Scamander.

Tears started to form in my eyes as pride filled my entire being. My friend, _my Newt_ , finally a successful author. I looked up from the book, met his eyes, my own tear stained already, and I smile proudly at him as he looks back at me, a little confused at the tears that were forming in my eyes.

"Congratulations, Newt," I offer, very proudly, grinning from ear to ear. "you've done it! I am so proud of you!"

I was about to wrap him in an embrace when suddenly I remembered he wasn't alone. I turned to face the lady he brought with him and then I looked back at him, trying to ask him to introduce Leta and me to each other. He somehow understood what I was trying to relay to him so he faces the lady, his fiancee, "Leta, may I introduce you to the woman I told you I befriended in New York, Miss Porpentina Goldstein," he then turns to face me and smiles weakly, "Tina this is Leta, my fiancee."

Fiancee.

That word was like a bullet aimed straight at my heart, I felt it instantly. I wanted to cry, to scream at Newt, to ask him why, to ask him how, to ask him if that moment we had a year ago was just something I imagined or was it real? But how could I do that when he clearly had something with her. If the ring on her finger wasn't proof enough, the somewhat happy looks on their faces was.

I faked a smile and gave my warm congratulations (the warmest I could muster at this moment of heartbreak) to the both of them.

"It's nice to finally meet the infamous Leta Lestrange," I say to her a little bitterly, praying she doesn't spot the bitterness in my tone. "I wish I could say Newt has told us a lot about you, but you know Newt, he rarely shares anything unrelated to his creatures."

She chuckles at this and nods in agreement, obviously very familiar with how her fiance works by now. I smiled one last time at the happy couple, my heart breaking a little more at those words, and bid my farewells. I needed to get out of this damn harbor, the one place I thought would have brought me some joy and warmth after a few cold months of being alone and waiting for him to return to me and tell me he felt for me what I felt for him. But apparently, that was just not meant to be.

* * *

 ** _You were my sometimes._**

I woke up at the middle of the night for the third time this week, in tears, heart feeling like it has been stabbed with a pitchfork a million times and me clutching my blanket as if it was the only thing that was keeping me grounded. I used it to muffle my silent sobs as I recall the latest dream I had of him.

It was an early Sunday morning in the dream, I rolled over the King-sized bed in search for his warm body I shared it only to be met by the cold, empty side of said bed. I snap upright in search for him, calling out his name as loudly as I can at this hour in the morning.

"Newt, honey, where are you?" I say as I start to get out of bed, in search for the man I shared the bed with the night before.

"In here, Tina dear," he calls out from outside the bedroom door. "I'm making some breakfast. Care to join me?"

I smile at the thought of Newt Scamander making breakfast and reveled in the thought of waking up to a sight like this every morning. I entered the kitchen of the same brownstone apartment I was living in (with him now instead of Queenie) and walked towards the kitchen. It was filled with the most heavenly of smells. The smell of coffee wafting through the kitchen from the coffee machine, the aroma of pancake batter slowly browning on the nonstick metal pan that was on top of the stove top, the scent of fresh eggs sizzling in another pan beside the pancakes. Everything about this scene was divine.

I searched for the man who was responsible for the sensational smell that was filling our apartment and see him taking out some orange juice from the fridge. I laced my fingers through his firm stomach as he reaches the stove, rest my head on his back and closed my eyes taking in the unique scent of him.

"You don't have to do this you know," I say to him as his fingers rub at my arms soothingly. "I'm used to having non-fancy breakfast food."

"Absolutely not gonna happen on my watch," he says enthusiastically. "I promised your sister when she left that I would take care of you."

I linked my fingers together as he turns to face me and looked deep into my eyes. He snakes his arms around my own waist and says, "Besides, a decent man would never let his wife go hungry."

He smiles very brightly at me as he lifts his right hand to my chin and pulls me in for a light good morning kiss, a kiss I return eagerly before he turns back to the scrumptious feast he was preparing.

"Besides," he looks back at me, a smirk evident on his face. "you're eating for two now."

That's the moment I woke up from the dream, tears in my eyes as the realization that none of that would ever come true hits me. All I could feel was pain, and there wasn't a damn thing I knew that would help me not feel it.

* * *

 ** _You were my always._**

It had never been the same since he came back to New York with Leta perched on his arm. I never thought I would have to deal with anything as excruciating as seeing the two of them together. But it seems the fates had other plans.

I'd have thought that as soon as Newt gave me my own copy of his book that he and Leta would be off back to London, preparing for what may be the wedding of the century. But with every day I got up and went to work, I always somehow ran into the pair of them. It got worse when I would spot him outside MACUSA's entrance, waiting for me, Leta nowhere to be seen.

"Tina please talk to me," he pleads as I dodge him on my way to the elevator, trying my hardest to ignore his pleas. "I don't know what I did wrong."

The elevator dings and I step into it. Red asks me if I was bound for the Major Investigation Department and I simply nod at him while Newt enters the elevator. I continue to ignore him, just looking straight ahead and not recognize his presence. The tension was palpable I'm sure Red felt it too.

The elevator gave another ding and I knew I was where I asked to be brought and stepped out of the elevator and head for my private office. Now that Graves turned out to be Grindelwald, President Picquery had me promoted to head auror and I had Graves' old office. I continued to ignore Newt as he followed me into my office. He continued to look at me as I sat down at my desk and started to focus on rearranging the amount of papers and envelopes that were cluttered around it.

"Tina, please look at me," Newt pleads, trying to find a way to get me to listen to his explanations. "I just want to explain what's going on."

"I don't need your explanations Newt," I answered coldly. "you're engaged to a woman you've carried a flame for quite some time. No explanation needed there. I'm happy for you both. I hope you both have a wonderful life together with whatever creatures you both enjoy taking care of."

I never took one glance at him. I just focused on the task at hand and that was getting through all this goddamn paperwork, hoping Newt would just take the fucking hint and leave me the hell alone.

"Tina please, look at me," Newt pleads with more determination than before. "I need you to hear me out. I need you to know what's really going on."

"Damn it Newt!" I exclaimed, slamming the stack of papers had in my hands on my desk. I've been trying to keep it together but I finally broke. "Can't you take a hint?!"

He looks at me crushed. I have never raised my voice at him like this, with anger etched on my face this way.

"I don't need this right now," I exclaimed, my hands shaking from the rage I was trying to contain. "don't you see I have a lot of work to do? I have a lot of letters coming from all over New York telling me I have done a shitty job the moment I took Graves' position after he was revealed to be Grindelwald. I have a lot of people telling me I should quit, that I'm not a good auror, that I'm an embarrassment to the wizarding world and that Madam Picquery was wrong in putting me in this position. I have to deal with all of this crap and more ever since Grindelwald slipped through our fingers earlier this year. All this happened on my watch and I'm starting to believe that all these people sending letters are right. Maybe I'm not cut out for this job, maybe I was never meant to get to this position. Maybe all I ever was meant to be was little Miss Tina Goldstein, MID demoted auror. Maybe Madam Picquery made the right decision in removing me from this department before we met. Everything is a mess right now and I don't need yet another mess to deal with. So please **just...lay...the hell...off**!"

In a fit of rage, angry tears started to fall from my eyes that I had to turn away from Newt so he wouldn't see them. It was difficult to be this vulnerable with him now. He was always the one there for me since we met but now it seemed like a distant memory.

Before I knew it I felt strong arms wrap around me and hold me upright I couldn't help but melt into his embrace. I sobbed quietly into his chest, allowing myself this one moment of weakness before I shut him out for good.

"Tina, never doubt yourself," he soothes, running his palms across my back in soothing motions. "you are one of the most talented and gifted aurors of this country. I wish you could see that. You have more compassion, determination and passion for helping people you don't know than all of the aurors in this establishment combined. And that my dear is the very reason why you're the best woman for this job. I wish you could see yourself the way I do. That way you would never doubt yourself and your capabilities ever again."

I took one final sniff before I extracted myself from his arms and pushed him towards the entrance of my office, plastering on a strong mask and saying, "I appreciate the kind words and thoughtful gesture, Mr. Scamander. But I need you to go. Leave me alone forever. This was how it was always meant to be. You and I were never meant to even cross paths I think. Tomorrow, when I come to work I don't want to see you waiting for me at the entrance of MACUSA again. I mean it Newt."

I looked him dead in the eye and closed the door at his face, not wanting to hear any more of what he came here to say. I leaned against the door, took a deep breath as I allowed the last of my tears to escape before I went back to what I was really here to do.

* * *

 ** _You were my never._**

I never saw him at MACUSA after that moment of weakness the day I let him comfort me as I cried in his arms. But that didn't mean he stopped trying to get me to listen to his side of the story.

That evening after I left MACUSA after a rather lengthy day at work, I arrived home to cold leftovers and Queenie's light snores when a knock came to our door so late in the night, I didn't know who to expect. I crept toward the door and held it ajar to see who was crazy enough to sneak into a female only building and lo and behold it was the very man I told days before to leave me alone forever. Had it not been for the fact that Mrs. Esposito might catch him creeping into a female only apartment and reporting him to the authorities, I would have screamed bloody murder and slammed the door at his face. But after the numerous letters, I have received since the moment he left me that day at MACUSA, I finally decided that I should at least give him a chance to explain his side.

"Please Tina can I come in?" he pleads. "I really need you to listen to me. I promise you I will leave you alone if you want that even after you hear my side of the story."

With a heavy sigh, I stood aside and allowed him to enter the apartment I shared with Queenie and lead him to the nearest couch, where he plopped down, waiting for me to take the empty seat beside him. I opted to stand in front of him and leaned against one of the kitchen chairs. I crossed my arms over my chest and made no sound, simply looking at him and waiting for him to say what he came here to say.

"When I got back to London and had my book published I was greeted by my brother Theseus," he begins. "He told me about what I missed while I was traveling around the world saving magical creatures and studying them for my book. He told me he wanted to become the next Minister for Magic and he needed some good press for that. And seeing as he was unable to get some of his own, he wanted to use me and my sudden rise to fame to get what he wanted. He thought that it would have made a good story for the prophet if I married my old flame and they passed it off as me finally getting the happy ending with the girl I gave up everything for –"

Newt paused and looked at me, trying to see if any of the things he was saying was hurting me. I put on a stone cold face the moment we started this conversation and I was sure none of the real hurt and pain I was feeling inside was showing since he looked rather disappointed as he went back to his tale.

"So, my brother hunted down Leta and told her I was back. Apparently, she also had feelings for me, especially after my expulsion from Hogwarts. In her own words, she said she only ever realized how much I meant to her the moment I was no longer beside her at Hogwarts. So, my brother went out of his way to get me to propose to her, saying how much it would mean for his campaign and how important family supposedly was. When I said no to his request he laughed at my face, told me how lucky I was that a woman as beautiful and well known as Leta Lestrange wanted me. He told me how important it would be for a Scamander and a Lestrange, two people who come from two of the most important wizarding families in Britain, uniting through marriage would be. It would mean that our families would achieve greater status and success in the wizarding world and how that would be good for my book and Leta and our possible future together."

I shook my head at what I was hearing. I have never met Theseus Scamander, never heard any stories about him from Newt but I knew what kind of a man he was by the rumors that reached New York after the war. I bowed my head, arms still crossed against my chest as Newt continued.

"But I refused. I told him that I no longer held a flame for Leta, that I finally realized that I deserved better than a woman who only cared for me after I was lost to her, like I was some prize to be held. I told him about how I've finally found people who I care about and who care about me the moment I met you, Queenie, and Jacob in New York. I told him that I have finally found someone worthy of the love and attention I have given Leta years ago. I told him that I will be returning to New York as soon as the book is published to fulfill my promise of bringing the very woman who stole my heart away her very own copy of the book that brought us together, a book that bears the title she had given herself. He laughed at me again, said that it was impossible that you could possibly like me that way, but I told him 'no, I may not know how she feels about me now, but I will be damned if I don't find out for myself...'"

Those words sent unintentional tears streaming down my face, I never realized the depth of Newt's feelings until he told his story. _I should have agreed to listen to his story sooner_ , I thought selfishly to myself. I didn't move to wipe my tears, neither did Newt. We simply looked at each other, internalizing what those words had meant the moment they came out before he continued on with his story.

"It was then that everything changed. His face turned dark and he looked at me angrily. He grabbed me by the collar and threatened to have my book barred from publication but I told him that won't get me to agree to marry Leta, I could find another way to educate the wizarding world about magical creatures. Then he smiled evilly and threatened my creatures,"

Newt bowed his head and wiped away the few tears that were falling from his eyes. When it came to his creatures he was never afraid to show he cared. His silent tears intensified as he continues his story. He was stammering through his next words.

"He – he threatened to hurt you, he threatened to hurt Queenie and Jacob and I didn't know how he knew that until he shoved the New York Ghost in my face, Grindelwald's murderous glare looking right at me. Apparently, he escaped and he was in hiding and he was in cahoots with my brother. 'One letter,' he said. 'One letter is all it needs to get this woman and all your American friends in danger, Newton. Don't test me. Propose to Leta now and announce your engagement before the day ends or your friends die.'"

He finally looked up at me then, eyes red from crying, imploring me to see where he was going with this. I walked towards him and sat beside him on the couch, finally pulling him into the embrace he was obviously craving for since he arrived. I allowed him to weep in my arms as he was contemplating the situation he has gotten himself into.

* * *

 ** _You were my maybe._**

I have never seen Newt cry as hard as he was crying right now, but it's mostly because I haven't known him that long. Watching him this way was shattering my heart into a million pieces, making me feel guilty for not hearing him out earlier than I did. I could have at least eased the burden a bit if not at all.

I pulled away from our hug and started to wipe away the tears on Newt's tear-stained face. I've never seen him so broken in his life, not even the moment he had to give Pickett to Gnarlak. Maybe I was right before, that he felt for me the way I did for him. If this display right here wasn't proof enough of the profoundness of his feelings, I'm not sure what is. I gently stroked the tears away from his eyes and cheeks and allowed my right palm to rest on his left cheek.

We stayed like that for a moment in silence, his right hand and my left intertwined, while my right hand was on his cheek, caressing them gently. We were looking at each other deeply, trying to communicate just through looks, his eyes etched with so much pain and longing as I continued to caress his cheek. I felt him lean into my touch a few moments later and this sent butterflies to my stomach. I didn't know I was yearning for this so much until right this moment.

I did not know what came over me, what came over either of us, if it was me or if was him that was responsible for what came next. All I remember was the feeling of his lips on mine as my arms wrapped around his neck and his were pulling me closer to him by the waist, our bodies flush against each other, moving as if they were one.

A few moments later we broke apart a little bit dizzy from the kiss that just happened and this time it was Newt's turn to place his palm against my cheek. I leaned into his touch almost immediately as a single tear fell from my eye, down my cheek.

It all hit me at once. I loved Newt Scamander and he loved me too. But this was just something that could not be. I turned to look at him, hoping that he would have an answer as to what we were going to do about this, hoping that we won't have to end up parting ways like I wanted the day before, hoping that there was some way for us to be together, not apart, and still keep the nearest and dearest things to us safe.

I saw it instantly, that flicker of light in Newt's eyes. He has thought of something!

"Tina maybe you and I should just run away, go into hiding, make sure that neither Theseus or Grindelwald finds us."

I frowned at him. Surely he knew that was not an option. What of Queenie? What of Jacob? Her life wasn't the only thing hanging on the balance here.

"Newt," I began, feeling a little more battered down than I already was. "you know that's not something we can do. Maybe if Queenie's or Jacob's lives weren't hanging on the balance that would work. But they are, and I just can't risk their lives for my own happiness."

Sadness takes over all of Newt's features as he was trying to think of some other way for them to be together but not risk everyone's lives and ours as well. I snake my hands with Newt's and take them into my own, relishing in the warmth they are giving me right now. The feel of his skin on mine was sending shock waves of pain throughout my entire body. If he agrees to what I say next, this would probably be the last time I would ever get to hold these calloused fingers that I love so much.

"Newt, marry her," I said half-heartedly. "Marry Leta. It's the only thing you can do to keep everyone safe."

I heard him sniffle, trying to stop the tears from coming as mine were already streaming down my own face. He was trying to hold it together for me, trying to be strong for me. But honestly, I didn't need him to be, I needed him to be strong for himself because he was the one who would have to marry someone he didn't love anymore to protect the people he now considered important to him.

"But..."

"It's the only way, Newt," I say sadly, sniffing and wiping the tears away. "If it were just you and me, I would run away with you in a heartbeat. But it's Queenie and it's Jacob. I can't put my little sister in danger and I can't be responsible for a no-maj getting hurt. We just can't do this Newt. We've lost."

"But Tina, I love you."

There it was, those three little words I felt for him, those three little words I've been longing to hear since his return, those three little words I feared were too early to say and too early to feel, but I knew I definitely felt. And so did he apparently.

I let out a pained sigh as I looked up at the ceiling, trying to force the tears that were threatening to leak from my face to go back through the ducts they came through. I shook my head and looked back down at our linked fingers and let out a bitter chuckle.

"The fates are just cruel sometimes," I say more to myself than to him, wiping a single escaped tear with my palms. "all I wanted since you left was for you to come back, for you to tell me that I wasn't crazy for feeling this for you so quickly, for you to tell me you loved me too."

Until now I have avoided his gaze. But before I said these final words, I raised my head and looked him straight in the eyes and said, "But here we are, you saying them to me first and me feeling so horrible that I have to hear them this way because I know they will be the last. And I just don't want them to be the last, Newt."

I bow my head again and began silently crying, finally letting go of Newt's calloused fingers and wrapping my arms around myself. He moves to wrap his arms around me but I turned away from him, "Please don't. Newt don't. I love you too but you need to go. It's for the best. I wish you and Leta all the happiness in the world."

And with that, I stood and walked straight to the room Queenie and I shared, where my beloved little sister was dreaming the night away. Perhaps it wasn't a curse that Jacob forgot about them all, at least he didn't have to feel anything like this.

I walk over to my bed and covered myself with my blanket. I hear a crack outside and I knew that Newt had left, that he had listened to me and for the first time I wish he didn't. I wish he stayed, I wish he fought harder, I wish there was something either of us could do. But Newt left because, like me, he knew there was nothing we could do but this. Damn the cruel fates.

* * *

 ** _You were my 'what if?'_**

I felt the warmth of the sun caress my cheeks, signaling a new day and it reminded me of the dream I had of what Newt and I could have been a few days ago. I felt that jabbing pain I get whenever I think of him and what might have been. I bury my head further into the pillows and ignore Queenie calling me from the kitchen.

"Teenie it's time to get up," Queenie says a few moments later walking into the room. "we have work."

 _Leave me alone Queenie!_ I thought angrily as I buried myself even deeper into the fortress of pillows and blankets I have built on my bed, if that were even possible.

"Woah Teenie what's with the attitude?"

I ignored her and went back to attempting to go back to sleep even though I knew Queenie was already in my head, trying to fish for the answers I obviously wouldn't give her.

She didn't say a thing and I was convinced that she didn't really find what she was looking for. But I felt my bed dip and before I knew it, Queenie was hugging me from behind, silently crying.

"Thank you Teenie," Queenie sniffles as she was hugging me tighter. I loosened her grip and turned to face her, her tear stained face finally in my line of view.

The sight of her smudged mascara and makeup made me smile as I brought her closer to me, cradling her head onto my shoulders the same I used to cradle her when were little girls.

"What for Queenie?" I asked her, shushing her inconsistent breaths and her crying.

"For giving up the man you love for me and for Jacob," she answers hiccuping as she disentangles herself from me. "you didn't have to stay and keep either of us safe. You could have gone with Newt, both of you on the run even if it meant forever as long you're together. But you didn't, you chose to stay and protect us by not interfering. You chose to let him go, for me, for Jacob, for Newt's creatures."

Queenie was looking at me with so much awe and reverence I felt like I was a saint. But she was right, I did it for them. I didn't want anyone's life on my hands. I'd rather suffer this pain alone than be with Newt and endanger the most important things to him and to me.

"You're very selfless, Teenie," Queenie says as she tucks herself back into the crook of my shoulder. "you always have been. You're the giver Newt always needed, but now he sadly won't have."

I hold onto Queenie for dear life as I try to suppress the sobs that were threatening to escape me.

"Thanks" was all I could muster to say to my sister as she cuddled beside me for a good five minutes before finally standing to leave for work.

"I'll tell Madam Picquery you aren't feeling well," Queenie says before she leaves. "you need a day off from all the crap you've been dealing with Teen. You deserve a break."

"Thank you, Queenie, I'll appreciate that."

And with that, she exits our apartment and was off to work as I rolled back to a broken ball of Porpentina Goldstein in my fortress of pillows and blankets. I cried into my pillows, clutching them tight until I couldn't breathe. I eventually fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 ** _You were my should've been._**

I didn't know what came over me, why I chose to listen to the wireless and the reporters describing the preparations made for the most painful event I would ever have to hear about in my entire lifetime, the wedding of world renown magizoologist and best-selling author, Newt Scamander, and London's sweetheart, Leta Lestrange. It was a grand event the wizarding community across the globe has been looking forward to ever since the announcement of their engagement. Every wizard in the world heard glimpses into the preparation to the wedding of the century. We heard descriptions of Leta's gown, the bridesmaid dresses, the gentlemen's tuxes, floral arrangements, the reception, everything. And I didn't know why but I've listened to every single thing I could when it came to their wedding, but I did.

 _That should have been him and me, not him and her._ I think bitterly to myself as I down another shot of whiskey. _That should have been my dress and my floral arrangements, my reception, my wedding. Newt's and mine._

A wave of emotion rushes through me as the heartache all came back, unable to be held back by any of the alcohol I had consumed prior. The wedding was in two days and there were reporters all across the globe reporting on the event on the wireless so that every witch and wizard could be somewhat part of this legendary event. I didn't know why I still thought of listening to it but it was what I was looking forward to the most.

Two days flew by very quickly considering I had done nothing but drink all the alcohol I could get my hands on and pass out in my bed. When the day came for the wedding, I was at The Blind Pig ordering my usual and waiting for it to begin. There was a description of the montage of a few of Newt's and Leta's photos as children and with them as a couple and a pang of pain kept jabbing me in the heart as the reporter described them as "extremely in love" and "a couple to aspire to". But I soldiered through it, apparently just to hear more and hurt myself in the process.

Just as the processional was about to begin a house elf approached me and handed me an envelope with only "Miss Tina Goldstein" scribbled on the back. I thanked him for delivering the letter to me personally and rushed to open it because I knew whose familiar handwriting had scribbled my name onto the envelope. I was lost in my own world, a world where the only thing that existed was me and Newt's letter. I unfolded the letter slowly, ignoring all the commotion that was already going on in The Blind Pig.

 _My dearest Tina,_

 _I know it's selfish but I couldn't go through with this wedding. As my father was patting me on the back earlier this morning congratulating me on my upcoming nuptials and telling me that marriage would be the best part of my life because I get to share it with the woman I love, I realized that it was not all worth it, doing this to please my brother, my parents and everyone else. I never responded to Theseus' threats as a child but I never stood up to him either. But I thought, what better time than the present? He could hunt me down for all I care, I will not marry anyone that isn't you._

 _I love you Tina, and I'm on my way to you right now. I told my mother everything and she promised me that she'll help us keep everyone safe. She booked me a passage on the Mauretania which will be arriving at the docks of New York in four and a half days. Meet me there and we'll talk about where we go from there._

 _See you soon, my love._

 _\- your Newt_

I fold the letter and put it back in the envelope that encased it. I pressed the envelope close to my heart, a smile finally finding its way to my face. He's coming back to me. I should hate him for making this decision for us, for giving me no choice but to hide and protect the people closest to us. But I loved him more for it. He was coming for me and that was all that mattered to me.

I stood up from my seat at the bar and walked out of The Blind Pig, now understanding what the entire fuss was in there. They were reacting to the wedding being canceled and I couldn't care less. I apparated back into the apartment and immediately started packing Queenie's things and mine. There was no way I was leaving her behind.

That night Queenie and I talked about what Newt did, his letter and his plan. She agreed to come with us and go into hiding.

"It's my turn now to put you first, Teenie," she said to me then, pulling me into a tight hug. "you have always put me first. It's my turn to do that for you now."

So it was then Queenie and I waited for more word from Newt, if he decided to send me some more letters, and counted the days 'til his return to New York.

When the fourth day came, Queenie and I hurriedly found our way to the docks where I bid farewell to him two years ago and waited for his ship to arrive. It was almost 5 in the afternoon but still no ship so Queenie and I decided to ask the port authorities what time specifically the Mauretania was arriving.

"I'm sorry ma'am, we thought everyone heard," one of the men said in a consoling tone. "the Mauretania sunk at sea it's second day of voyage from London. The company has sent word to all families and loved ones of everyone on the ship to inform them of this tragedy."

I felt my knees give up and I was sure I was going to fall had it not been for the support Queenie was struggling to give me.

 _He was gone? Just like that? This isn't possible. He said he'll come for me. He's coming for me!_

I wanted to break down there and then but before I could, an owl swooped in and dropped a heavy looking parcel into Queenie's waiting hands. This letter had my name written on it as well except it wasn't from someone I knew. The handwriting was unfamiliar to me.

I struggled to get out of Queenie's arms and stand straight as she opened the letter daintily. She unfolded the parchment and handed the letter to me.

 _Dear Miss Porpentina Goldstein,_

 _I hope this letter reaches you in good health and state of mind for I have some bad news for you. I'm sure my son has sent word of his plan to meet you in New York so that you could run away together. At first, I thought this was a preposterous idea because his marriage to Leta was only a few hours away then. But he told me about you and I understood immediately why he must go. His love for you is something very profound, my dear, I would go far as to say it would rival Romeo's love for his Juliet. I booked his passage on the Mauretania, the fastest ship as far as I know so he could get to you sooner. But two days ago, I got a saddening message that it sunk. I am distraught at the loss of my son and I know that you're one of the few people who truly understands the weight of his loss._

 _I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news my dear, but Newt is dead. I wish it didn't have to be this way because you two deserved more than the brief, complicated time you had together, but it is so. I found a notebook he kept in his bedroom while I was cleaning it out yesterday. At first, I thought it was another one of his manuscripts until I opened it. I have sent it along with you for you to peruse it on your own along with my favorite picture of him. I hope these little trinkets would help you deal with the loss of my son the way his things back home have helped me. I wish I could have met you before all of this, Tina. You seem like the perfect girl for my Newton._

 _Much Respect,_

 _\- Olympia Scamander_

I fold the paper messily and reached inside the envelope for the notebook Mrs. Scamander sent along with the letter. I held it close to my heart as if hoping it would beat the same way Newt's heart did. I rummaged some more and found the picture she sent me. It was of Newt smiling brightly and confidently at her. It was one of the wizarding pictures that moved so I had to try so hard not to display it for everyone to see. I held those trinkets close to my heart, fell to my knees and started sobbing. All the people at the port were looking at me like I was crazy. But I didn't care. I just lost the man I loved, to hell with all these people! Queenie knelt down in front of me and took me in her arms, consoling me in the only way she knows she can. I sobbed into her arms until my tear ducts were dry and the sun had already set. Queenie helped me up a few minutes later as we walked home, heartbroken and exhausted from all the crap we had to deal with.

* * *

 ** _You were my could've been._**

I stayed in bed for a week after news of his death reached me. The wireless was abuzz. They have been reporting the sad news the sinking of the best ship to have existed yet, the Mauretania and all the people who died on it. The wizarding community was also mourning the loss of well-known magizoolgist, Newt Scamander behind closed doors. His book has brought a lot of awareness to the wizarding community that his loss was felt worldwide.

I was sure I was going to starve to death had Queenie not come knocking with food. I kept his picture underneath my pillow, hoping that some way it would materialize into him and that he would hold me and tell me that this was all a terrible dream, that he was still on the Mauretania on his way to me and how excited he was to see me and finally be with me. But he wasn't. He's dead and I never really got the chance to tell him how much I loved him.

I pulled out the picture Mrs. Scamander sent me and looked at him again like I have been doing for the past few days. I ran my fingers through the moving photograph and started talking to it, hoping that wherever he was, he was hearing me.

"Newt, I miss you," a sob escapes me then. "so much. Why did you have to go? Why did you always have to go? First, you left me at those wretched harbors to finish your book. You promised me you'd come back and give me my own copy in person. I was looking forward to seeing you again, a year of waiting was torture for me. And you came back! Like you promised, you came back to me. But not in the way I thought you would. All of this started because of that day at the harbor, the day you came back. I honestly wish you just didn't. At least if you didn't you'd probably still be alive now. Married to another woman, yes, but alive at least. And that's the only way I want to remember you by, alive, kicking, saving magical creatures and unsuspecting obscurials when no one else would. You opened my eyes to a lot of things Newt. Queenie always told me I was selfless, that I was compassionate. But I guess she never really saw you the way I did. Because the true meaning of selflessness and compassion I only saw in you."

I let myself let go of the tears and sobs that I was holding back because of my little speech. I closed my eyes, caressed his picture and went on, "I hated you for making me feel this way. I never thought myself as a woman who would fall for a man and want his children. It was never that I hated the idea of it, it was that I never believed I would find the one who would make me want those things. But then you came to New York with those blasted creatures, wreaked havoc in my city and showed me an entire world I didn't know existed. You opened different parts of me, different parts of my heart that I was trying to lock away. You made me want you and god damn you for it. You made me want your children and I hate you for that. Because now I'm left all alone in this stinking world wondering 'what if things in our story were far simpler than they really were?', would we have even gotten a shot at the happiness I dreamed you and I would have?"

Tears were still streaming down my face and I wiped them carelessly, trying to clear my tear-stained face.

"See, I hate you Newt. I hate you for making me love you and I hate you for leaving me behind without really giving us a shot." I felt a jab at my heart. "But I love you Newt. I love you so much that it actually hurts and despite all the shit you put me through, I wouldn't love anyone as fiercely as I love you. And I wish I didn't wait too long to tell you this because maybe if I didn't we'd have had more time together. I love you so god damn much Newt and it god damn hurts."

I sobbed some more before finally mustering up the courage to say the last few sentences I had left of my speech.

"I had a lot of questions about life before you came. Who would show me a world I never thought existed? Who would make me feel alive by a simple touch or by a simple stimulating conversation. Who would challenge me to become the best version of myself just because they wanted me to achieve my dreams? Who would be the one to make me understand what these school girl ninnies spoke of when they talked about love? Who would make me feel like I was the only thing in this world that mattered and that without me their world wouldn't be complete? Who would look at me lovingly the way my papa used to look at my mama? Who would love me for me, flaws and all, and accept me for who I am? _You Newt_. You were always the answer. The moment you caught me at that death cell chamber, you had me. You were the answers to all those questions I have asked myself when it came to love. It was you Newt. You were always the answer, but I guess now I could say, you were never really the right one.

-fin-

* * *

 **A/N: I'm sorry for putting you through this unnecessary pain without warning. I just needed to write me some angst. Please let me know what you think about this story!**


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